Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dust

Monday, July 28, 2008

; 6:55 PM

Hit the pause button.

Yes, pause for a moment please.

I need a break from all these crazy studies and heavy work.

Life's been a bitch, a baaaaad bad bitch.

I'm feeling awfully tired from today's hectic schedule.

I've got a pending dnt coursework to be due in 2-3 weeks time.

A flood load of science papers needed to be completed by Os.

Many SS essays which are waaaay over the dateline.

Homework just keeps getting more and more.

Test test test, every week also tests. NO LIFE AH. (fuck it's true)

But if I don't practice or study, I can get ready an admission to ITE.

Which is obviously a hell NOOOO.

Because.. Ngee Ann Poly, I'm coming for you.

Those of you out there who feel the same way as I do right now,

or has the upcoming nightmare of the Os,

you should understand what I mean.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

; 11:01 PM

I'm clinging by the edge

With blistered bloody knuckles

The air around me feels so choking

I'm struggling to catch my breath

Caught in a daze of never ending perceptions

It's like frozen in an ice box that never melts

Fallen from grace into a ditch

Getting buried deeper and deeper as time goes

But hush baby hush, I heard something

Do you hear it

The beating of my heart

Beating for you

I'm holding on tightly

My dearest love

I love you so much

My heart is yours

I'll be waiting

Goodnight baby

; 4:00 PM

I'm not okay

I hate myself

Sunday, July 20, 2008

; 7:32 PM

16th - 18th July, Motivational Camp.

Memories that never to be forgotten.

Well, I went there with a head hung low, I thought it's gonna be awful.

But as the days passed by, my interest and way of thinking took a big turn.

Humin taught us tons of academic skills and applications. She was really nice.

Life stories told by Leroy, and of cos, his own personal one was unbelievable.

Honestly saying, it impacted me so hard. It made me soul search alot.

Many things in life which we take things for granted or not cherish at all.

Leroy was the one the gave me a wake-up slap, and I needed that.

The one thing which got everyone's attention emotionally was our parents.

He took us on a journey to express our inner feelings and thoughts.

He made us realise how selfish and unfair we were to them at times.

And it got me thinking and thinking, I felt I'm a letdown to them.

On the final day, closing ceremony, I made a decision I will never regret for life.

Parents of everyone was invited, and there's motive for it. A good one.

I got myself on stage and expressed my feelings to my parents.

Many of my friends did, it was really emotional and touching.

But at the end of it all, everything came together like a picture perfect frame.

My parents, teachers and friends were proud for what I've done.

My mum was crying with joy, my dad smiled so happily; I was hugging my parents.

My friends and I were side by side each other, singing a closing song as one.

I glanced around the hall, and my heart was just soaring with exhilaration.

Everyone was gleaming with hope and the atmosphere felt wonderful.

Crowds of people heading towards Leroy to get a photo taken.

Kids talking to their parents, hugging and laughing.

Teachers being so proud of their students.

This really has brought hearts closer together for everyone.

I've never felt this way in my life before until now.

Last but not least, I wanna thank all my friends I had spent and had fun with for these past 3 days. Let's all work hard towards Os yeah? You got my support for sure (:

Monday, July 14, 2008

; 11:40 PM

"By the burn of your eyes,

I'm a pawn in your game,

And this is checkmate."

Apologies for not updating for the past few days.

Haha weekends have been rather fuuuuuun.

Went out with Shanna on friday to catch Euge's competition.

Coincidentally Aly was there too, so we sat down and catched up.

After that headed to town, and in the night, drinking with Shanna and her friends.

Omg la, I was kinda worn out from drinking, almost got bang by a fucking car.

Had to catch a bus to TP and take a cab back. It was damn troublesome.

Cause I was like half alive, just wanted to crash down on my bed and sleep.

Then on Sat, Euge and I went to Mindi's, Augustine's.. confirmation.

Haha didn't expect to see so many of my friends there, manage to catch up with a few of them.

Finally, rosy wasn't feeling that good, so I had to calm her down and send her home.

Thats abt all I guess!

Tml's my chinese O lvl listening compre. I hope I could at least score for this!

Oral's a screw up. Written paper was a screw up. Dammit.

Well recently I have a new chinese tutor. She's good, I like her.

As you can see, I'm working hard for my mother tongue.

Getting F9 is an eye-sore, wish me all the best.

Monday, July 07, 2008

; 10:40 PM

"I'm crazy. I'm tired. I'm shattered.
I could feel my heartbeat coming to a pause,
Fingertips freezing, head crashing down in heaviness,
Once more hurled straight into my face without warning,
A notion of cold hard truth that should be buried a long time ago,
But it didn't, it struck me over and over again.
Am I going out of my mind? Most probably.
What do I feel? Terribly lost and fucking numb.
Stick a knife into my chest, I don't think I'll feel shit."